Florence Brokowski-Shekete – School District Director, Bestselling Author, Coach

(photo credit: ©Tanja Valérien-Glowacz)

“I don’t allow others to empty my half-full glass.”

Her passport says Florence Olatunde Gbolajoko Oluwadamilare.
Her “adult” name Florence fills her with pride and joy.
And “Flori”, that’s how her foster mother used to call her – the woman from Buxtehude (editor’s note: town in Northern Germany) who took her in as a two-year-old and who Florence Brokowski-Shekete still calls “mama”, her “real mum”.

Born in Hamburg to Nigerian parents, Florence is taken into care by a single German woman in the late 1960s. Outwardly the absolute centre of attention and seemingly a foreigner, Florence is inwardly at home in this environment, growing up as a German, in a German neighbourhood, with a German foster mother. When, at the age of nine, her biological parents take her to Lagos, Nigeria – to live in a country whose language and culture are foreign to her and with relatives she had never met before -, Florence is once again a stranger, uprooted from her childhood years and, because of her German upbringing and demeanour, an outsider in her new family.

“Love, attention, understanding.
Openness, appreciation, respect.
Interest, fairness, patience.
Respect for the otherness of the other person.
No matter how, no matter where, no matter between whom, no matter why.
That’s how “the glass” could work.
The glass – always half full!”

It is only at the end of her first book “Mist, die versteht mich ja! Aus dem Leben einer Schwarzen Deutschen“ (loosely translated as: „Blimey, she understands me! From the life of a black German”) that the reader is revealed the values that have been instilled in Florence Brokowski-Shekete by her “mama”. Values she now promotes in her work as a school district director, author, coach – and not least: human being.

In our interview, we met an inspiring woman, paving ways and achieving so many “firsts”: first black head teacher in Germany, school inspector and school district director, a path that has not always been straightforward. However, Florence doesn’t make her story about rifts that might exist – yet about revealing and bridging them through awareness, openness, respect – and “gentle pedagogy”.

Florence, you say that “it was always normal that everyone around me was different from me. I am still a stranger everywhere.” Is it possible to see parts of your life story completely detached from your being black in a white society?

It’s not like I wake up every day and think to myself: I’m a black person in a white society. However, my everyday life is shaped by it, normally on a very unconscious level. In my daily routine, I live my life in what I call “unconscious presence”, comparable to “unconscious competence” (editor’s note: see The Five Stages of Learning, Chris Drew, Ph.D.), if you will. However, in certain situations I do switch to “conscious presence” when I think the moment requires it. For example, when I applied to be a headmistress and needed to make sure that the educational system was prepared to have a black woman in such a high-profile position.

I also perceive conversational situations very consciously. I am happy to answer questions if they reflect honest interest and know that I can contribute to people leaving this conversation with an expansion of consciousness. So much so that I sometimes refer to myself as a “walking cultural awareness seminar”.

Since you published your book – how has your life changed with all that publicity through newspaper articles, radio and television interviews?

If you are a black person, a minority, living in a majority society, then you are already the centre of attention. Already as a child, I was the absolute centre of attention in Buxtehude, every day, because I grew up in a white society. My mama and I lived in an exclusively white community, whether that was our neighbourhood or the church community. I was literally the only black person. My biological mother told me once that after I was born, I was passed around in the hospital by doctors and nurses because I was the only black child born there.

As a teenager and also later as an adult, I didn’t even notice the looks of the people around me anymore, as they had become so normal. And then, becoming a teacher also put me into the spotlight to a certain degree: parents knew me, recognised me, greeted me. And with increasing areas of responsibility – as head teacher, school inspector and later school district director -, the degree of attention has become more and more pronounced. So, for me, the publication of the book didn’t change much in terms of being in the spotlight or receiving a certain amount of attention.

Do you feel that the discourse on discrimination and racism has changed recently?

The Black Lives Matter movement has given the issue a new dynamic and led to the publication of many new books. These books are all very different. Many of them are very instructive, some of them also attacking. Some are historically inferential, explicitly on the subject of racism – and they can leave the reader, the white reader, with the feeling: “Oh God – I really am a racist!” At least that’s how some of my acquaintances have described it to me.

I think my book is different in that I try to use gentle pedagogy to teach people more about the issue of racism and everyday racism, without blaming. I also believe that my story is different as I am in a very exposed professional position that many would not even assume a black person to be in. This naturally arouses some interest in people and has certainly contributed to the success of the book.

One chapter of your book is about your “most beautiful dream”, an essay you had to write at school back in Nigeria – and it was about your deep desire to return to your foster mother in Germany. If you were to write an essay about your “most beautiful dream” now – what would it be?

My most beautiful dream is to become a “cool old lady”, still healthy at 95. And why not live in a chic, fashionable old people’s home for which I was able to make a conscious decision, promenading with my wheeled walker, taking responsibility for my life until its end? My now 80-year old biological mother is the best role model when it comes to being a lady until one’s dotage, and I hope to be given the opportunity to achieve just that.

Of course, some time would pass until then, which could be filled with other dreams. One of them, for example, would be to host an exclusive, little talk show. My vision is already quite precise: as a location, I imagine my favourite hotel in Hamburg – Hotel Gastwerk -, as guests I would welcome interesting personalities who have achieved, overcome, or done something extraordinary and are willing to share their achievements, life experience, and wisdom in an authentic, truthful conversation. The value of such conversations is inestimable: at their best, they can influence society in a positive sense and hopefully also teach them something. I would really enjoy that!

And I want to dance! I love dancing! Especially for us women, who always have to hold the reins in everyday life, there is something almost therapeutic about dancing: being able to hand over, not having to control, being able to let go. Especially ballroom dancing with a strong partner – a talented dancer that is – has this effect.

Not to forget that second book I am already working on …

Which milestones in your life have left the greater mark on you – farewells or reunions?

I am confident that it was the goodbyes that shaped me more, and they were always linked to my mother in Germany. Saying goodbye to her in 1976, before I was brought to Nigeria, had an enormous impact on me and made me a completely different child. Reunions with my mother also had a great effect on me – like in 1978 when I was allowed to go to Germany for the school holidays or our reunion in 1979 when I was able to return for good. The latter certainly was one of the highlights of my life – as was parting from Nigeria.

What is your relationship to Nigeria today – and what is your opinion on the importance of “nature” vs “nurture”?

Through Nigeria I have learned a more-perspective view, and if this part of my personal history was necessary to learn that, then I look back on it with gratitude. And although I would not call it “home country” – it is the country of my parents, and it also made me to who I am today. Also, I certainly have a heightened attention when it comes to news or sports events that Nigeria is part of.

Also, had I not lived in Nigeria as well, I would not be able to feel the cultural difference of society and wouldn’t know how it feels to be different in another country. Otherness is not only about physical otherness; there are also internal differences, and cultural imprinting plays a very important role. It certainly established my interest in other cultures. I later travelled a lot and spent a considerable amount of time in China. I love to immerse myself in different cultures. However, my mama and my upbringing in Germany certainly had a fundamental imprint on me.

What would you describe as your greatest personal success?

(without hesitation) My child! My absolutely greatest pride! And I am also proud of how I have managed life as a single parent. I think I was the proudest single mother in the world, telling it to everyone, whether they wanted to know or not. There was a lot of joy in my self-reliance, my independence and my ability to do this. However, it is not only pride that fills me. I also feel great gratitude that it has worked out this way.

What is your highest priority in life?

(without hesitation 😉) My child! It has the very highest priority. Of course, there is also health, as the basis of everything – of the people around me too. When I look back on a day – and everyone around me is well and healthy -, contentment spreads. Contentment that I value even more highly than the rather fleeting happiness. Contentment is a more lasting feeling, and I also get it when I am unwinding at weekends, having a nice coffee somewhere, watching people, being present, enjoying life.

What would be your message to your child – to young people in general?

I always found it very important to instil in my child the capacity to be emotionally independent without losing love for people. The ability to not basing one’s value on how someone else sees them. It was also important for me to convey the difference between politeness, kindness and love and where to expect what in our society. Politeness, in my opinion, is the minimum, and something that can be expected in every walk of life. Kindness is a bonus that you get – or not. Love on the other hand is something you can’t or shouldn’t demand of everyone or make yourself dependent on. It is something that your personal environment should provide.

I also think it’s important for every young person to find out: What makes me tick? What makes me an independent person? And that is not about the job title, not about earnings. It’s about how much passion you put into whatever it is that you do.

If your “mama” was still alive, how would she see your life today?

It would probably alienate her that skin colour and origin are still an issue, that complete strangers would just grab my hair and ask if it was real. Also, that I am often spoken to in English because I am not considered to speak flawless German. Surely, she would be proud that I made it from teacher to headmistress to school inspector to school district director. And without knowing exactly what a school district director does, she would probably say: “It’s nice that you are a civil servant.”

(published 04th August 2021)